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Khalil booked a corner table weeks in advance: he highly recommends the food, and says that these types of venues are much better for such meetings, because of the nature of their discussions. The men head to an Italian restaurant in central London. He’s a university student who hopes to be married soon. Mohammed, who is short but well built, is dressed in the traditional Islamic thoba – a garment he says he usually wears in public. He's been married for just under two years, having had a ceremony arranged by his parents. Adnan, is tall, skinny and dressed in a plain suit. We’re later joined by two other men, Adnan and Mohammed, both of whom are in similar situations. He greets me with a firm handshake – "Salaamwualaikum" – and apologises for being late, telling me that he needed to pray first. When we meet near his office, Khalil (who has, along with the other interviewees in this article, asked for BuzzFeed News to use a pseudonym) is dressed in a pristine pinstriped business suit, and sports a medium-sized, perfectly trimmed beard. It’s a position that an increasing number of devout gay Muslims find themselves in, as they attempt to reconcile their faith with their sexual orientation. However, he admits that despite having “the ideal life of a Muslim man” on the surface, he does not feel attracted to his wife. Seven years later, Khalil got married to the same woman, and they currently live in a well-to-do suburb of London along with their two children.
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I wasn’t attracted to her at all, and I realised at that moment that I hadn’t been attracted to any of the girls that had come over before.”
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My father kept making all these jokes about us getting married… and I knew he was joking, but I was trying not to cringe. “We had some family guests over,” he recalls, “and they brought along their daughter, who was around my age. It was 1984, and he was living on a council estate in West London with his parents and two sisters, who originally came from Pakistan.